At the beginning of any journey it is important to know where you are going, to have a final destination. It can also be helpful to know where you have already been. On this Journey I am about to begin, I believe it is imperative that I reflect on where I have been.
My first memory of having a weight issue occured when I was 13. A friend and I shared clothes, and one day as we were getting ready to go somewhere, she alerted me that I was having a difficult time fitting into "our" clothes (as if somehow I hadn't noticed this myself!) Only a true friend can be so forthright. We were friends for only a short time, as I had to move away. I wish I had known then what I know now about food.
My life had been turned upside down at the age of 12 and I began comforting myself with food. Plain and simple. I remember I was a size 16 at the age of 16, an 18 by the time I married at the age of 20. And after I had kids, well you can imagine it didn't get any better.
My eating habits were basically whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. My weight was out of control. I knew it, but I didn't know how to get the control back. Sure I tried many "diets"...Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, etc. And with most of the diets, I lost weight but eventually I fell back into my bad eating habits and, of course, I gained what I had lost and then a few more.
The idea of trying another diet became very discouraging. A few years ago I decided to focus on my health rather than my weight believing that when my eating habits changed, I would naturally begin to drop the weight. And that did happen somewhat, but not to the degree that I believed it should.
I am currently about 20 lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight, though even in the past few years, I have gained a few and lost a few several times. Even now, I am about 8 pounds down from where I was last summer and that is a little encouraging. The fact that I am no longer gaining weight every year is a big deal!
However, it has also been very discouraging knowing I have made many changes, even going to the gym faithfully for months in a row, to see such little change. The way I think about food is totally different now than it was a few years ago. I see it now as something that should benefit me rather than just something to satisfy my hunger. I am more concerned with what I allow myself to eat and how much of it I am eating (most of the time). My portions are much less now. And yet, my weight has been steady now for months.
So, when my cousin told me about this "diet from hell", as she called it, I can't say I was excited about it. She planted a seed. My curiosity watered that seed.
The Protocol is drastic, but I believe it is going to take drastic measures to get the drastic results that I am looking for. I don't even have a specific number that I want to see on the scale, so much as I want to be and look healthy. I want to have more energy. I want to feel comfortable and confident in my body. I believe that following this Protocol is going to get me there. I believe I am ready.
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